Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
