He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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