i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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