I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
