Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
