Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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