He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
