why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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