My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
