Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
