wat bout pragnant strippers??
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Panties = found
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