Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
