Swine flu. Run for my life!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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