i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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