took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
