i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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