The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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