i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
