he wants to bone in the snuggie
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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