Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
