he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
