Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
