hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize