your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
