I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize