I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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