Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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