Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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