OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
