LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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