I accidentally burped into my bong.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
