I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
