i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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