Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
