I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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