You can't special order awesome
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
