I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
