carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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