she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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