Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
