I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
