he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
