8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
