You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
