He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
