Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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