she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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