I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
