did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
