i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
