I'm gonna have a badass scar
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
