Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
