I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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