the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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