Im at strip club and am horny
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize