Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
