Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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