Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
