You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
pray to the hookup gods
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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