i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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