I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize