i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
