I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
