No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
