Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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