another moral hangover. fuck.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
