I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
