Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Enjoy the penises
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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