Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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