dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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