Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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