piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
